Last time I was musing about our three centres of intelligence. When we can identify where we primarily operate – our head, heart or gut centre – we are then also empowered to notice where we can get stuck. This awareness allows us to then make different and better choices to recruit the other two centres for a more holistic, balanced and intentional response.
There is an important awareness here too about the power of our feelings and the danger of emotional reasoning. This is the tendency to believe that our feelings are the reality.
Imagine that as a teenager, you had a so-called friend who routinely took great delight in telling you all the horrible things that other ‘friends’ were saying about you.
This stuff sticks.
It can easily create a negative thinking loop in your head that you are a rubbish friend and no-one will ever like you. Fast forward to today, and you might find that your ability to make friends is hampered by emotional reasoning.
A negative experience in a new group of people immediately pitches you back into that teenage scenario. You feel anxious, scared, vulnerable, and rejected. You believe your feelings are reality, and behave accordingly. You therefore remove yourself from the group because you believe that no-one will like you.
When we start to notice the direction our thoughts are taking us in, we are able to track such thought patterns and notice the emotional trigger that is at the root. There is more on this here.
And that allows us to become aware of where we are distorting our thoughts based on feelings that are strong – but not real. This generally applies to negative thinking. The feelings are so strong and our thinking is stuck in negative patterns. Our understanding of the situation becomes distorted.
Our centres of intelligence help us unpick emotional reasoning.
Our heart centre might be overcome with feelings of fear, rejection, anxiety. And our head centre might be stuck in negative thinking loops. But we can use our awareness of both to good effect.
What am I feeling here? What am I responsible for and what am I not? What is within my control and what is outwith my control? (more on that here).
And therefore what do I know to be true here? What is the objective reality in this situation? What evidence do I have to the opposite of what my negative thinking is telling me?
Only you can control what is going on inside your head.
And therefore you can change this! This sounds too simplistic and, well … almost a bit harsh. But it is also incredibly free-ing as it allows us to get out of the cycle of emotional reasoning.
Emotional reasoning is a form of cognitive distortion. What are some other forms of cognitive distortion, what is their impact and how do we get out of them?
This is where we will go next time.
But this week, simply stop and notice where you are being hijacked by your feelings into believing a reality that is not true. Track your thoughts, be kind to yourself and choose to use all three centres of intelligence to choose a more positive response.